Don't trust Jack (Tijuana)

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TJ4Rent@yahoo.com is the email to beware. The wolf in friend's clothing behind that address is one "Jack Smith". It ain't his real name - that would be, as per the police report, Steve Stanley Singer - and he'll probably take on another one by the time you read this. I doubt even if Singer is his real last name; but whether the business email and/or the pseudonym changes this much won't (see pic): 

the house that 'Jack' subdivides 

Jack frequently posts ads on Craigslist. 
He targets foreigners fleeing the rip-off rents of southern Cali -- only his comparatively cheap rates are rip-offs too! Why pay $400 for sleeping on someone's couch when you can have your own furnished room for $240? He announces. Wow, great. That is, until you get down to TJ - he always offers to meet you at the border - and see the dry-walled closet space that's a far ass cry from the nice-looking bedroom in the ad.  The room will likely be "only" $20 or $40 dollars above the advertised price, too. His biggest prey are young men - low on cash and brains - whom he regales with marijuana and Red Light District tales. What could be better than getting high, laid, and jewed out of your money? Either way you slice it, champ, you're getting screwed in Mexico. But, hey, at least you're sticking it to the Man. Yah!

A tour of the place includes the "temporary" upstair kitchen ("just until we finish remodeling the one downstair"), the three bathrooms, the rooftop where Jack/Steve will start his hairbrain scheme of growing organic tomatoes. Conveniently not mentioned are the following facts:

• the house is roach infested to the hilt; especially the kitchen!!
• toilets sometimes flush
• gas (i.e., hot water) is always running out
• his useless dogs shit all over the place
• his barracks of children keep up noise (as kids are want to do)
• the whole neighborhood hates him and shuns his family (for good reason)
• "maid service" is a joke
• "wifi service" is a joke
• he and Flor, his undocumented common law breeder, won't return your deposit without a hassle
• oh, and everything he just smiled to you about is 98-99.7% bullshit

Jack/Steve is a consummate liar and scumbag. So too is the indigenous piece of tail he still, after six kids, refers to as a 'girlfriend'; two peas in a pod. I imagine one day he will abscond, leaving Flor and her undocumented brood to fend for themselves. Such are the ways of a convicted con man. 

His biggest prey are young men low on cash (and brains) whom he regales with marijuana and Red Light District tales

As mentioned, I and other renters are now suing the bastards for failing to return our housing deposits. Unlike so many other travellers we did not leave the country when we moved out; thus Jack's concocted excuses, including convenient family emergencies (the latest was Flor's abortion), wilt in the light of Reality and he still has to contend with us. That's why he targets foreigners: less chance of these renters having the time to fight for their money back. It would be so much easier if the man and wife were honest and did not regard deposits as free money -- or people as marks.

By the way, the rent for his dump is not a bargain either. While the house has its good points, with just a smidgen more effort one can find better and more adequate apts in Tijuana for cheaper or slightly higher rent.

The tourist scam sits on the corner of Calle Santa Teresita & Calle Juan O. Robles (Col. Buena Vista). 858.779.4309

European landlord a duck in the wrong Pond

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Some landlords have Gov't complexes when it comes to renting their spaces: they want to know everything about you and be all up in your business. Or you can think of it as playing Mother; with their house rules regarding what the renter can and can not do under "their roof."

grandpa this ain't 1952 anymore!

While apt-hunting in Baja California I came across just such a post on Craigslist. The building is listed in Playas de Tijuana - supposedly the nicer area of town seeing as how it is near the beach (playas is Spanish for beach), populated with English-speaking foreigners and, subsequently, charges higher rents - and advertised as U.S. STANDARDS. But, according to the long-winded ad, renters can't have company over -- unless they fork over an additional $60USD per night. Wtf?! The wanker is charging $400/month for a supposedly private apartment and has the gall to dictate the limits to how one socializes -- like he's running a YMCA?! Wake up grandpa this ain't 1952 anymore!

Anglo-Francophile landlord should return his pink hide across the Pond and live under Big Brother since he approves of it so much

A check of the personal contact of the advertiser reveals a United Kingdom email address with a Frenchy handle. The U.K. is one of the countries with the most prevalent surveillance. It was also, you might recall, the inspiration for George Orwell's 1984. And France is, well, French -- and socialist. It sounds like this Anglo-Francophile expat landlord should return his pink hide back across the Pond and live under Big Brother socialism since he approves of it so much. Don't want families/pets/smokers/children? Then stipulate it. This is Mexico for fuck's sake not litigious 
USA/UK/Germany where political correctness forces people to lie. 

I wasn't interested in this ad - apart from a geriatric who in the hell would? - but was put off enough to email the owner about his hubris. This is how he replied (do notice the funny characters alongside the iPhone. Suddenly the greediness all makes sense):   

FUCK OFF YOU BLOODY BASTARD! If I don't like u r not obligated to stay with us. We charge extra to prevent tenants from bringing the entire family as many of u tried to do it in the several occasions. Do u get it stupid!
iPhone Россия/אןלימןר גיירמן 

Well! Wonder what finishing school the poor chap went to.

Apt-hunting in Los Angeles (FLAKES)

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Apartment hunting is work enough but, man, the stress isn't lessened any by
renters who are too #@%! lazy to return calls, queries, or even remove their ads. It's so inconsiderate.

On January 2d I travelled to Los Angeles to move into an apt. Everything was solid. We exchanged face pics, contact numbers, and several emails. For what it's worth, the listing was on Craigslist. On the afternoon I was to be there I sent an email and text msg to confirm that someone would be at the house at the appointed hour. Our communique was good so when I didn't hear back after a little while I sent another text msg. 
The reply came back:

Someone come already. 

He begged and had money. Sorry.

Sorry? Sorry?! Man, fuck your sorry!! Unbelievable. This asshole (speaking retrospectively, of course; I wouldn't knowingly want to co-habitate -and, yes, that is a real word - with an asshole. He seemed a nice guy up to the point where he reneged on our mutual understanding and screwed me out of a room) couldn't wait three more hours until we met face-to-face and come to a decision afterwards on which of the two to whom he would rent? Flake! Since he made the decision with his heart and greedy palm I hope the beggar man pulls a Jekyll/Hyde on their asses. 

Sorry but I am not wishing them a happy new year. Hello!    

Why I don't believe in 1-Month's deposit (Mexico)

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Mexico is very good about getting money out of your hands and into theirs. Only problem is corruption ain't just in politics. Typically, the renting Mexican "requires" a full month's deposit in addition to the first month's rent. The reasoning is, ostensibly, because it's, according to the renter, "like this all over the world." This coming from someone who has barely, if ever, left the country.
(Of course, a deposit is usually requested in other countries, but not totally the full amount of monthly rent, and, oftentimes, much, much less; it's just an amount to safeguard against wear-and-tear e.g., broken window, lost keys, broken cupboard handle.)

I am always very, very iffy - and turned off - by needing to pay two month's rent upfront. One common gimmick here is to count the deposit as the last month's rent. Translation: The Mexican has already spent the money and can't bear to return it. 
Below is an actual account posted on Craigslist in Puerto Vallarta of some other foreigner's misfortune:

UPDATE: Apparently the guy in question in the below letter now rents rooms in the house to pay for the place while he graciously sleeps in the living room. In other words, the other inhabits are paying the rent and he's actually living rent-free. Have to admit, I encountered this same scenario in L.A. where people seriously rent couches and single rooms divided up into four for no less than $500! What?! Many folks believe L.A. is where it's at...but I wasn't born yesterday. How easily starstruck hopefuls part with their few pennies. 

The inhumane 'man' LARKIN CHOLLAR who rented me a room in his 'place' between Bucerias and La Cruz turned out to be a total scammer, and one hell of a hysterical Monster (YES, with a capital M!) Within hours after arriving at his 'dump' and after he carelessly broke and destroyed a 100 year old hand-carved walking cane which I actually need to walk with - expressing no remorse whatsoever; he actually was critical of me because my it hurt to 'loose' my cane. He then got totally psycho when I asked for a pillow and again went berserk when I asked where the kitchen light was located: telling me I had serious problems and referred to me as a whiney, complaining loser; he aggressively SCREAMED at me full throttle telling me he'd decided I was completely undesirable; demanded a months rent ($175) and once he got his hands on my $ (paying him out of fear), both he and his other roommate, a brutish, thug of a caricature sinisterly devolved into both being extremely menacing; both threatening me with bodily harm before forcefully kicking me out of their 'dump' in less than 3 hours after my arrival. The room had no lights, a truly ratty-ass, smelly mattress with no pillow(s), no linen (I was told to bring my own linen from the USA); it had no furnishings; the walls looked as if they were from some prison (that is a reason he didn't include a photo of the available room on his CL rental post). He is a certifiable fanatic and is completely untrustworthy. Both he and his other roommate, a brutish, thug of a caricature left me trembling and in tears; both ranting and raving for me to get out - NOW! After I struggled quickly to re-pack to escape, dragging my totally thrown together, unorganized 3 pieces of luggage down a dirt road to a nearby Mexican neighbor, where I literally stumbled upon their from porch, pleading for help, desperate to get away from LARKIN CHOLLAR! The Mexican family was truly helpful and compassionate and really helped calm me down enough for me to collect my bearings; one of the men among them even drove me to a reasonable priced hotel not toofar from that insidious asylum of LARKIN CHOLLAR.

I am telling the 100% truth, LARKIN CHOLLAR is a sociopath and needs serious physiatrics intervention. He is one of the most horrific and horrid human beings I have ever met. Volatile, violent, selfish and irrational, bordering on being an abhorrent terrorist. STAY FAR, FAR AWAY FROM HIM - CONSIDER YOURSELF DUTIFULLY WARNED!

He is a very, very sick 'person' and I´m determined to try and prevent anyone else from going through what I went through - HELL! It was as if I was face-to-face with Satan himself.

AN UPDATE: I have received several email from people after my first warning of him I posted on CL who also told me of having had horrible experiences with LARKIN CHOLLAR - and not one single one of them had a single word of 'charity' regarding this MONSTER! 

Again: KEEP FAR, FAR AWAY FROM HIM - CONSIDER YOURSELF DUTIFULLY WARNED!

This link goes to his gobbledygook sham of a web video... http://www.powerofnow.org/video.mp4

To New Renter (with love)

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Before moving out of my apartment in Mexico I wrote the following note for the incoming tenant:

Unpacked and settled down -- for now

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The suitcases are finally empty and settling down for the same fate that awaits most people's home-gym equipment: just something in the corner to toss things on.

(It was a lot easier finding an apt in Mexico than it was in Germany. Within the week I was out of the hostel and cleaning house. Hello!)

A hassle hustling to Stuttgart

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On SATURDAY I answered a housing ad on a German website; on SUNDAY we Skyped and on MONDAY I was "Stuttgart Or Bust". And I came close to busting.

slept through my connection [and] was nearly to Switzerland by the time I awoke!

I contacted no less than eight rideshares and no less than eight ignored my calls. Assholes. Checked out of the hotel and tried my luck at the train station at Zoologischer Garten, hoping some drivers might be heading my way. There was one -- but his car was already full. Then I hopped on the subway and went to the bus terminal in West Berlin to snag the 3.30 - and last - bus to Stuttgart. It would cost more than carpooling but, hey, it was uber wichtig - very important - that I get there by morning as homeboy was leaving on Wednesday. My German is crap but I did not know it was so crappy: totally misread the bus signs. Instead of sitting by the "Aus Stuttgart" Stop my ass ought to have stood in line at "Tubigen" as Tubigen is the south route which passes through Stuttgart whereas the former "Aus" means from. (Shit I thought that was von meant that.) Doh!

Having completely missed the bus right under my nose I had one sure option remaining: the train. It was the most costly option -- right behind flying (yeah, I even hustled to Tegel Airport out of desperation). By the way, did I mention it was raining? Talk about a Monday morning! After waiting 40 minutes for my number to be called I finally paid 115 euros - Jesusfuckinchrist! - for a seat on the night train.

I reminded myself: But after the day I would have an apartment.

waiting at train station: nothing to do but cool my jets

 

The night train was very comfortable and cozy. So comfortable, in fact, that I slept clean through my 0540 stop and missed my connection. I was nearly to Switzerland by the time I awoke! Evidently, train conductors don't wake up passengers. I set the alarm feature on my mobile but the damn phone alarm didn't do shit. (Before the new day was done said mobile would be a heap of plastic and electronic smithereens on the hot pavement.) At this point I hopped off the train in a panic and was obliged to buy another ticket to get me back on track to my missed connection in Karlsruhe -- oh and wait an hour until then.

 Stuttgart-Or-Bust

When I reached my destination it was 10 o'clock TUESDAY morning (instead of 7am of the initial ticket). First thing I did was to eat a big ice cream sundae with whipped cream topping and chocolate sauce. Priorities. Then I contacted the renter. At noon I visited the apartment and we shook on it. On WEDNESDAY I moved in. 

What.A.Trip! 

I eat ice cream because I'm not on a hunger strike (STUTTGART)

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It took me forever to finally reach Stuttgart. Certainly felt that way. I was a day behind in my thinking. What, today's Tuesday not Monday? Lack of sleep will do that to you.

I just secured an apartment and saw an ice cream truck and thought to myself, Why not? Dammit I've earned this! I was going to buy irrespective of my personal favorites offered but, as it turned out, they were on the menu. Of late I'm inclined towards the blue ice cream which goes by several names but is best marketed as "Smurf". (Like Gargamel I've always been curious to eat those little things.) Instead of a measly cone I went big time and bought a wundertute, which clumsily translates as "wonder bag" (as a bag is a container). Doesn't it just look, well, wonderful!

  wundertute ist wunderbar!

 

In sharp contrast was a hunger strike nearby. How near? Close enough you could hold a spitting contest -- and probably win. According to the banner they're going two days strong. I don't know the agenda of these starving people but I'd make for a mighty poor disciple had my group pitched tent near an ice cream stand (or pancake house/burger stand/pretzel vendor, etc). As I had no pangs of guilt I happily devoured my three scoops of ice cream  (two of "engleblau" and one of cookies) topped with whipped cream under a drizzle of chocolate syrup. And took pictures of them. 

refugee hunger strike beside ice cream stand

 

 but no one appears to give a damn 

how can you rise when you don't have energy?



Housing scam on Craigslist?

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I lucked out on renting a shared apt in Berlin because the renter was too cheap to confirm over the phone.

I answered the ad on Craigslist for a nice-looking room priced at 12euros/night. This is equal to or less than the rates of hostel dorms...but private! The first text msg from him informed that he was using another phone since his had no credit. No biggie. I figured he quickly borrowed a friend's cell phone. Then I kept getting replies from a different number -- each time. Hmmm.

On Friday I caught the early bus from Stuttgart to Berlin and sent an SMS of my approximate arrival time. Eight and a half hours on the road and I heard nothing back. Hmmm. My suspicion and doubts mounted. My means to peace of mind was to 'cut my losses' and settle on a Plan B. So that's what I did. By the time we pulled into Berlin I had already decided to book a bed in a hostel for the weekend. Still, I spent an hour at the bus station fiddling around with my luggage and checking room rates online.

And still there came no confirmation.

this smack of the trappings of a scam

So. I checked into the hostel and grabbed a kebab to eat then went to visit a friend. At 9pm the mysterious man sends me a text. It was a very thoughtful msg but, you guessed it, originated from another number. In fact, I recognized this last number as being local to Stuttgart region!

My friend convinced me to check it out all the same...especially since we were nearby the listed address. Long story, short: homeboy was using an online service to send SMS's for free - sort of like a Tor for phone calls - and each time resulted in a very different number on my caller ID. But fuck that. Just pick up the damn phone and call. It was a huge miscommunication, yes, but one fostered by his strange behavior. Had I spoken to the man over the phone it wouldn't have made much difference since his follow-up text msg would show up differently on my caller ID. Does this not smack of the trappings of a scam?
My imagination thought so.

My means to peace of mind was to 'cut my losses' and settle on a Plan B

High-technology has its place; unfortunately, it is encroaching on the otherwise ease of low-tech communication. I'm old fashion that way.

Dirty, lazy roommates - Berlin

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Finally had enough of these dirty, lazy ass flatmates and moved out. I'm not someone who needs his own place. Just a bit of clean space and consideration. I can share living space -- so long as I'm not the only one doing the sharing.

stress-free living is worth more than cheap rent

For two months I made the most of an irritating - albeit extremely cheap and convenient - living situation by spending lots of time in the gym; buying air freshener and dish washing soap; fresh flowers for the apartment (and bedroom); washing dishes; separating refuse and taking out the recyclables; emptying the overfilled ashtrays; buying a bedside lamp so I could read in bed; an infrared lamp (to relax and recuperate from the work-outs); a radio/alarm clock; It even got to the point where I bought my own cookware and cutlery because all the dishes in the house were dirty -- despite having an operable dish washing machine!

Some able-bodied men are just downright lazy and filthy. These are the people who largely live by hand-outs 

But, frugal or not, one has his breaking point. Peace of mind and stress-free living is worth more than cheap rent. I was fed up with it all: the piles of dirty dishes that filled the kitchen sink for weeks on end...the perpetually wet throw-rug in the bathroom...the stench of cigarette smoke...stolen foods from the refrigerator...piles of overflowing garbage in the kitchen which, consequently, attracted swarms of fruit flies. One side of the wall was covered with them and they were, naturally, beginning to invade other areas of the apartment. With winter fast approaching I foresaw rodents and possibly roaches joining the lot. Plus, my tuxedo jacket was stolen!

Some able-bodied men are just downright lazy and filthy. These are the people who can stand living in filth -- and largely live by hand-outs anyway.
When I abruptly decided to get the hell out of there last Thursday I was more than open to paying twice as much rent for new digs; But, as it so happens, I just might move in with a friend -- and for less. 

Free at last! 
Free at last! 
Thank God I know
Freedom is mobilitay!
    

Renting in London? Dream on...!

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Renting a place in or around town is far from easy or affordable. Aside from the multitude of rent scams proliferating on the Web targeting newcomers for whom London post codes are Greek – 300 pounds sounds reasonable to me! Doh! You mean the median rent in this neighborhood is 950 pounds?! – there is simply the high standard of living which, compounded by requirements of a deposit plus two months rent paid in advance, makes getting your own place the thing of fairy tales. This year is even worse thanks to the coming Summer Olympics: renters are jacking up rates (and evicting tenants) to cash in on the Games.

Moved into the new place

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Today I moved into the new place. Whew! The area is "far" from everything and starkly residential, almost 'backwoodsy' to the metropolitan Berlin am used to, but it was the only room-for-let that let me in. And, hey, as the saying goes, you get in where you fit in. Once I learn the mass transit schedule and a few of the nearby stores and hang-outs, though, I'll be all right. At least the place is a quiet one; I think quietude is a tremendously undervalued quality.  

you get in where you fit in

At any rate, I have Internet, washing machine, bath tub plus bed and furniture so...I dare not complain.

I shall stay

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Finally secured a room (in a shared apartment) for next month. And it only took me a whole month to accomplish it.

Should I stay or should I go?

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That is the question. A glimmer of light brims the horizon of my house hunting ventures. I finally connected with a room for let and, as of this evening, the fellow and I have agreed to meet and shake hands on it. (I tell you, it's so much simpler dealing with men.) Still, am holding my breath and crossing my fingers. Who knows, right? Maybe he disapproves of my writings, too.

For now, at least, yesterday's plans of bidding auf wiedersehen to Berlin next week are...pushed down the list a bit. But just a bit.

Birds of a feather prefer to flock together

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The apartment saga continues. I know that birds of a feather flocking together is more than a rhyming truism but I ever wonder that people think themselves above such "simplistic" old-fashioned facts. Everyone likes to think he is an Individual, impervious to advertisements and peer pressure as he marches to the beat of his own drummer confident of his ability to freely express himself to whomever he pleases however he pleases. Well, if that were so I'd have a ton more friends than non-friends because I believe in my beliefs no matter the crowd, and know something about my allure of advertisements and disdain for peer pressure.

 I went in search of a furnished room for a week; they were in search of a like-minded friend. A clone.

If birds of a feather didn't need to flock together I mightn't keep losing out short-term lodgings (weekly) to "a friend of a friend." There is a lot of group-think going on in Berlin...where everyone is supposedly an Individual or artist of one degree or another. Or I would still have the room I agreed to rent yesterday (for 1 week) if the girl -- once again, a female -- hadn't read my web log with a collectivist mind. See, my freely and articulated writings do not agree with those of hers and her lot who are of the homosexual militancy. I pegged the lot in under a minute of viewing the apartment. I knew what they were. I guessed how they rolled. So? What did it matter to me? Nothing.

But that's the folly of my individuality. I went in search of a clean, furnished, wi-fi capable room for a week; they were in search of a friend, a like-minded friend. A clone. Once again, the non-conservative person-- young liberal-minded people are so above labels --ha!-- they dismiss 'liberal' along with anything in the affirmative. They cannot say what they are, only what they are not and they definitely are not conservative so I can safely identify these clueless rebels as non-conservative -- showed her inability to be open-minded, to think outside of the box, to engage outside of the familiar, to live with differences. 

Everyone likes to think he is an Individual. Well if that were so I'd have a ton more friends than non-friends.

But maybe I paint the picture too dramatic. After all I didn't enter the apartment espousing this and that (she read my web log); there was no time or need for sharing politics and moral philosophies. They were of a different cut and I didn't care. I have experienced and slept in far more uncomfortable, unfavorable and dire elements than a flat full of eco-friendly, dyed lesbians with a pseudo relativistic philosophy of life. But there I go again being dramatic: they likely haven't a philosophy of life...and probably couldn't parse together the above sentence. Moreover, the girl and roommates wouldn't even be in the flat. So...the week long rent would not have  amounted to a test of anything. 


And here I thought the Dodo bird was extinct.

 

No match for a friend of a friend

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So far I've avoided encountering Pearl the landlady. But, then again, I've avoided closing  any apartment deals. It seems that every time I leave from viewing a place, after getting lost trying to find it -- people in Berlin couldn't be bothered to give the most helpful of directions -- a "friend of a friend" "finally" comes along in need of the room. And, of course, this friend of a friend gets the room (translation: I don't) because, hey, what are friends for?

Seems more than a little fishy to me. I don't smoke, have no piercings, am clean-cut.... I don't get it. Beats me. Most of the rentees have been girls so maybe there is something to that. Do they feel threatened by my presence? Oh well. Fuck ém. I don't intend to live out of hostels the whole time I'm here and if I can't land an apartment in Berlin, then that's just all the more reason for me to keep on truckin' baby. Booyah!

Part way there on house-hunting

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So today, after a week of hostels, I moved into a shared apartment. It's a nice, big apartment, or flat as they say in these parts, and I'll play it one week at a time. Plus, the subletters don't seem to be anything like Pearl the landlord. 

The second thing I did once I got here was to empty my backpack and hang my shirts (followed by laundry). I swear I don't have a lot of stuff but my two pieces of luggage just won't let up! They stay heavy...like a fat person who can't lose weight. Satis! I don't care how important to me such-and-such was before, before week's end a handsome load of stuff is not getting repacked. Like a travelling Macbeth I cry, Out, out, out damn crap!

Hunting for housing in Berlin

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Am apt-hunting and, surprisingly, it is not easy finding an apartment in Berlin. So many of the advertised spaces have spotted vacancies -- a weekend free here, a week or two available there -- due to the nature of tourism...it seems no one rents by the month. Blasted! When I do secure a place I hope my landlord isn't like Pearl here (see video):

The Landlord from Will Ferrell