Muscle Beach Nutrition. Free T&A !

I recently entered the Muscle Beach Nutrition Fitness & Bikini Contest -- and lost. Because of my posing suit. I have it on good source that the judges - the female ones in particular - didn't much care for my choice of attire because it was "too  much like a bodybuilder and not what the average dude wears on the beach." Well fuck them. Clearly they've never been on a European beach.

ATTIRE: Male contestants can wear board shorts or posing trunks. Female contestants must wear tasteful off the rack two piece bikinis. High-heels, flat shoes, or barefoot is permitted. Makeup & jewelry may be worn

As per stated rules, I elected to wear posing trunks. I never imaged the panel of "celebrity fitness models" would be prejudiced against them. If  we were required to wear board shorts, then it shouldn't have been optional; And while I'm at it, I seriously suggest the thing be renamed 'surfer fashion show' because board shorts are designed for surfers and skateboarders. Physique culturalists, like myself, wear bathing suits to the beach and posing trunks on stage -- however uncomfortable that makes plastic, homophobic judging panels of "fitness models". 

can you spot the inappropriate attire?

But the real problem with Muscle Beach Nutrition's shows is that it even bothers with a men's division in what is clearly a casting couch for starlet wannabes. Don't tag it Muscle Beach or fitness, I say, if it hasn't a thing to do with either; don't pimp out the legacy of Muscle Beach to make a buck and/or name for yourselves. 

The only glaringly honest aspect of this fitness farce is the (over)hyped bikini contest. There is no such male equivalent to the bikini contest; for how can men exhibit their masculinity without flexing a muscle -- especially since the judge calls for muscle poses?! Truth is, "Fitness/Physique" is just the latest money-grab catchphrase for MODELS (i.e., non-athletes) or guys without swagger...there is nothing athletic about it. Either you're good-looking enough for the judges or you're not. It ain't something the 98lb weakling in the audience can aspire to become through dedication, improved diet, good training.

JUDGING: Contestants will be judged on poise, physical attributes, presentation, personality, and crowd reaction 

Plainly, its bikini contests are better suited during - and only during - Spring Break (better still, at another venue) when a crowd of horny college students are present in force and primed for a parade of tits & ass. Wholesome schmolesome. I don't see any reason to lie about it. Toss in some beer bongs, karaoke machine, and a wet T-shirt contest or two and Muscle Beach Nutrition has the show it's after: hot girls with zero poise being raunchy in bikinis and high-heels (because, evidently, girls typically complement beachwear with formal shoes). 

So long as the outfit represents itself in this Spring Break manner it needn't worry about true physique enthusiasts darkening its stage. When Muscle Beach Nutrition gets real - and some knowledgeable judges - I will consider re-entering... otherwise I already graduated from college and the frat scene years ago.

  Sun, Sun everywhere and not a tanned bod in sight

"Fitness/Physique" is just the latest money-grab catchphrase for MODELS (i.e., non-athletes) or guys without swagger; exempli gratia:

 should I envy the bikini top or the left thumb?